


Echo in my Mind

by sadbirthdaypartysongs



Series: I Go Crazy [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski - implied - Freeform, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Scott is a Good Friend, basically? more like is, blink and you miss it - Freeform, like vaguely, this is basically Stiles angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 11:36:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16345964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadbirthdaypartysongs/pseuds/sadbirthdaypartysongs
Summary: Stiles' journey as he slowly copes with his depression and developing eating disorder.





	Echo in my Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Heres the prequel-sequel for Buried in my Bones! Hopefully you'll like it!

He stared down at the book in his hands. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't focus on the pages. It wasn't due to his ADHD, he had taken his adderall this morning. He didn't know what was going on. 

Stiles set the book down, eyeing the pages warily. He slowly looked around his room, he felt like the world was slightly tilted to the left. His vision started to blur and his arms starting to tingle, but Stiles had this ever present feeling of emptiness in him. He tried to move to lay on his bed, but his body didn't move on command, so he stayed in the chair. Eyes never moving from the pages of the book that he couldn't read.

A sharp creak of his door knocked Stiles out of this weird trance. He looked up at the door and saw Scott standing there grinning wide. Stiles shook his head slightly, trying to shake off the unknown feeling he had. He couldn't.

"Dude," Scott moved closer to Stiles' bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"What are you talking about?" Stiles reached for his phone. "You haven't-" He was cut off by the 4 missed calls from Scott and various messages from the pack that showed on his screen.

The thing that got him was the time. When he sat down to start reading the book, he had just gotten home from school. The clock on his phone read 6:37pm. Stiles' brows furrowed in confusion.

"I don't understand." He muttered to himself. Scott leaned forward at the distress in his friend's voice. 

"Stiles, are you okay?" Scott asked. Stiles shook his head again before looking up at Scott and donning a small smile. "Yeah, Scotty, I'm okay." 

It's happened more frequently, Stiles noticed. It didn't matter what he was doing, all of a sudden he would get this weird zoning out feeling and be completely oblivious to the outside world.

Scott's noticed it too, if the concerned looks Stiles gets is anything to go by. He's pretty sure he's "zoned" more than once while talking to his best friend anyway. He remembers when it first happened.

Stiles was standing at his locker pulling books out for his next class. Scott was leaning on the lockers next to him, talking about something that happened at the last pack meeting Stiles had missed.

"Oh, man," he was saying. "Then Erica just loses it! She stands up and just pours Jackson's drink over his head." 

Stiles remembers snorting out a laugh before saying. "God I wish I could have seen that. Serves Jackson right for being a dick-" He stumbles over his words as the feeling of numbness he's grown familiar with overcomes him.

"Stiles?" Scott frowns at him and places a hand on the other's shoulder.

Stiles shakes his head as he tries to stay in the present, he knew he wasn't going toast very long. "I-I'm okay," he starts walking toward the bathroom. "I think I'm going to chill in here for this class period though." Scott followed behind him.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Stiles waved him off, distractedly. 

"I'm okay, you get to class." Scott only nodded, before throwing one more worried glance and leaving. Stiles stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the school day.

Stiles slowly became more and more insecure about how he looked. He was surrounded by muscular werewolves all the time, he may not have wanted muscles as big as theirs, but he couldn't help but realize how fat he was compared to them. 

There was a health class back in 7th grade that talked about eating disorders and how these girls would starve and purge their food to get skinny. Stiles remembers thinking to him, 'it doesn't seem that hard, if they can do it, so can I.' He promised himself that he would never be as sick as those girls in the documentary, oh how he was wrong. 

So he had stopped eating as much as he used to. He didn't completely stop at first, but there was a noticeable difference. How he would turn down the curly fries Derek offered him or stop eating halfway through a meal.

Every morning Stiles would strip in the bathroom before stepping on a scale. Everytime the number went down, he would feel the burst of happiness in his chest. Just behind his ribcage that was getting more and more pronounced every day. When the numbers went up, he would be harsh on himself for the rest of the day.

But it was okay, he wasn't sick. Not like those girls, he would never get that bad. He'll think this to himself every morning.

Late at night, when he was sure that his dad was asleep, he would go on tumblr and look at thinspo. It didn't matter if it was a boy or a girl, he just smiled looking at how these people accomplished such a feat.

Soon enough, his eating habits became almost nonexistent. He would start the day off with a cup of black coffee and drink lemon water through out the day. Only eating a small meal when he felt faint.

Weeks go by. Stiles gets thinner and thinner, but no one says anything. His cheekbones pop out more and so do his collarbones. His stomach was concave and his hipbone were as sharp as ever. He smiles to himself in the mirror, admiring his hard work, because it wasn't like he was sick.

Today was a day that he was proud of himself. He had reached his ultimate goal weight of 118 pounds and he felt like he was on cloud nine.

Scott was with him as they walked down the road, the jeep being in the shop because apparently duct tape doesn't fix everything. Stiles felt dizzy, the world slightly tilted to the left, but it was bearable, so he continued walking.

"So we'll meet Allison and Derek at the movies," Scott was saying. Stiles was too focused on not tripping to really pay attention.

"Yeah, okay." Stiles said absentmindedly. Was his breathing turning shallow? Scott send a worried glance his way.

"After the movie, we're all going to meet up at the loft for dinner and then start the pack meeting." Black spots started covering Stiles' vision. That wasn't good.

The last thing Stiles could remember was the small yelp of Scott's name, before collapsing.

-

Beeping. That's all Stiles could comprehend in the darkness of the room. As he pried his eyes open, his started to register that he was in the hospital.

Stiles' dad, the Sheriff, was sleeping in a chair that was in the corner of the room. Scott sat right next to his bed. "Stiles!" Scott whispered, as to not wake his dad.

"Scott?" What happened?" Stiles replied groggily.

"You collapsed on the side of the road, you're malnourished." Scott didn't seem all there when explaining this. "You're underweight too, what happened?" He seemed close to tears.

"Scotty, please don't start crying, because then I'll start crying. I'll explain everything." Scott nodded, wiping his eyes.

So Stiles explained. Explained how how in the last couple of months he has felt weird, dissociated as wikipedia stated, and how he wasn't comfortable in his own body. He explained how he stopped eating, promising himself to not get as sick as the girls in the 7th grade health class documentary, before realizing too late that he was worse. He explained that no matter how hard he tried, he wasn't as happy as he use to be, he always felt empty. By the end, they were both crying.

"You didn't tell anyone, right?" Stiles asked at the end of the explanation. "I don't want them to know." Scott comfirmed that he didn't. That after Stiles collapsed, he had called his dad and an ambulance.

After a couple hours, and repeating his story to his dad, a doctor walked in. Dr. Acula told them that since Stiles had a severe eating disorder, he would be hospitalized for 90 days. That Eichen House, Stiles and Scott cringed at the statement, had a great recovery program and that he was going to be moved there in the next couple hours.

Later at the rescheduled pack meeting, Derek would ask where Stiles was and Scott would reply that he had to make an emergency trip to visit his grandma. That Stiles could only call occasionally, since he wasn't going to have cell service. He smiled to himself when Derek seemed to believe him.

Stiles was recovering and that was good, he was on new medication for his depression and it seemed to be working for now. Every weekend Scott and his father would visit for a few hours, before his dad had to leave for work and Scott for the meetings.

At the end of the three month stay, Stiles would be recovered enough to only have tiny relapses and he was happy. He wasn't completely cured of all his problems, but soon he was just living one day at a time and that was good.


End file.
